– When you cut my hair last time you made it curly! My hair has NEVER been curly!!

Yep, cause my scissors have the magical ability to change your DNA..

– I was not at all happy with my last colour. You said it was a permanent tint but I have grey roots after 8 weeks!?

Ok, unfortunately I’m yet to discover the technology to colour the hair that’s yet to grow out of your scalp but when I do you’ll be the first to know…

-I want a MAJOR change, but you can only take off a bees dick of a millimetre and I want the EXACT same colour as last time.

I’d love to give you a new look, with a punch to the head!

– NO hairdresser has a EVER done my hair the way I like it!

Probably because you’re very unhappy with that ginormous body you’ve eaten yourself petal.. I’m not Jesus, I’m not a magician or a plastic surgeon..

-Why do u always talk to us!? Don’t you realise we’re tired of hearing the same dull questions from hairdressers?

This question is usually posed by insecure and arrogant types that have a deluded sense of self importance often bolstered by having amassed the usual status trophies, large Metricon house, Porsche Cayenne. All of it owned by the bank of course but you’d never guess by the slick real estate agent like presentation and the perpetual bragging..

In all honesty, I’d prefer these types of clients to stay mute for the entirety of their appointments ALWAYS.. Please sit down, relax and do shut the fuck up… I’d be a welcome relief from blowing smoke up ur arse you insecure fuckwit